Happy Birthday

The Captain saw his reflection shimmer as heat rippled along the smooth metal surface of the ship's hull. Klaxons screeched out the obvious danger as the huge neutron star sucking his craft inexorably towards it slowly sunk into view on the forward observation monitor.

He felt like a ready meal in an oven.

The crew battled pointlessly to regain control of the craft, sweat beading all over their terrified faces. The Captain wondered idly whether or not they were regretting signing up for this mission as much as he was. All the small print about potential fatalities and family benefits loomed much larger in the fiery heat of the moment than it did in the cold sterility of a company contract room.

Hindsight. Beautiful thing. Etc.

"I'm starting to feel like a prime slice of farmhouse loaf in a toaster!!!" he bellowed above the din of the siren.

"Are we close enough yet?"

The air hummed like a broken microwave as the helmsman struggled with his control panel.

"Nowhere near, Sir. I guess everybody seriously underestimated this whole scenario. The hull is already at critical stress levels. If we move any closer to that thing we'll melt like a marshmallow on a barbeque."

Smart arse.

"Well, we can't go back due to the minor inconvenience of the laws of physics, so I guess we have no choice but to move forward. I sure hope those damn ungratefull spawn of mine grow nice and fat on my paycheck. Helmsman, Activate 'Harness', drop to the lowest orbit you can and await my mark."

"Yes sir, and Happy Birthday"

All around him, the ship glowed with magnesium brightness. The balloons and streamers his well meaning officers had flown in his honour had long since evaporated in the scorching heat, as had the meticulously iced cake. The captain felt the burn of his own skin as he flipped the safety catch on the launch device.

Dying on the day I was born, he thought, smiling to himself.

He pressed down hard on the big red button...